The Warmth
by SeaBreeze
Summary: Will and Lyra dream of eachother, and Will has a theory... is there a way for them to be together, after all? Or is it just a false hope? Please READ and REVIEW...
1. Try to Say Goodbye

The Warmth: Try To Say Goodbye  
  
By Seabreeze  
  
Author's Note: This story is basically Lyra thinking back on Will (and vice versa) and how it still pains her. It's sad, yes, but we know it's the end of them. Though it hurts me to say it. So they'll meet-somehow. PLEASE please review, and I've changed the order of my story so it makes more sense and is more exciting! Merci beaucoup!  
  
~*~*~*  
  
Lyra walked slowly up to the room they had given her in Jordan College after everything- though she never really thought of it as "her" room. Pan, having finally chosen his shape, curled around her neck. It was dark, but that didn't matter. She and Pan could've walked up and down that blind.  
  
  
  
*I don't believe it's time  
  
  
  
But I try to say goodbye  
  
But I feel so lost inside  
  
I don't know my name  
  
And I can't erase  
  
What's weighing on my mind  
  
I'm asking myself why*  
  
  
  
She was 15 now, and though more mature she was quite the same. Still a bit of a tomboy, still going to school with the other children. The boys, in particular, found her enthralling. But if she ever even thought of going near any of them, something stopped her- Will. Not Will, exactly, but his memory. She could just see his dark eyes staring sadly into hers. What if, she would think desperately, I liked one of these boys and Will showed up? The thought excited her; made her want to like the boys just to see Will. But no, that was impossible. She would never see Will again, ever. As she entered the room, carefully closing the door behind her, she fought back tears. Pan whimpered and nuzzled her cheek comfortingly, but he was sad too. For minutes, she walked around the dark, empty room, trying to occupy herself. Her dark gold hair hung down her back carelessly but out of her way. Pan leapt to the ground and curled up, sobbing. It wasn't long till Lyra couldn't stand it- she was on the floor, holding Pan tightly to her chest as tears made their course down her cheeks. Clutching Pan, she fell onto her down bed. She wanted more than anything to scream and sob until her voice was gone and Will was there, but she knew she couldn't. Some Scholar would hear her and worry. No one needed to know she cried. The only comfort she would've accepted, anyway, besides Pan's, was Will's.  
  
  
  
*I try to stay awake  
  
  
  
Trying to write the words  
  
I'm trying to write the word  
  
Goodbye*  
  
  
  
She stood up, controlling her tears for a moment. Pan shivered against her arms, shuddering as he, too, fought back the sorrow. She walked to her bookshelf, hoping for something to take her mind off of him- but it was no use. She broke down; forehead against the wall as her body shook with silent sobs. Will was everything, three years and still she thought of him everyday and more. Humans usually weren't given love like her's and Will's, and it had been torn away from them.  
  
"Why, Pan?" she murmured into his fur, tears wetting him. "why make us love each other so much and tear us apart?" she wept, cursing circumstances that had separated her from Will. He was so wonderful and good, like warm choclatl on an ice-wind day in the North. And so much more. She would still be sad today if he had just been her friend, or even if not that, but they had to be friends and so much more.  
  
She wept until she had nothing left to weep, and then cried silently without tears or sound but only pain. After a few hours she had cried herself to sleep.  
  
  
  
*And I'd give up forever to touch you  
  
  
  
'cause I know that you feel me somehow  
  
you're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
  
  
  
and you can't fight the tears that ain't coming.*  
  
~*~*~*  
  
A.N.2: Ok, next chapter up as soon as I get 10 or more reviews. The first song mentioned, Try to Say Goodbye, is an AWESOME song by Jennifer Love Hewitt that reminds me so much of Lyra and Will. The second one is Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls, which is well known but beautiful and fitting. The next chapter is more plot, less depression. Please stick with me! 


	2. Are You Sad?

The Warmth: Are You Sad?  
  
Author's Note: But this goes back to the night Lyra was sad and cried herself to sleep, only in Will's world. On to the story. Er, disclamer. Oh yes, and in the story, Will has the knife at his house. I think Mary took it in the book, and in that case, the knife "magically" appeared in Will's closet. Ooh, mysterious.  
  
Disclaimer: Who said I own anything????? Not me. Incubus owns The Warmth (AWESOME SONG, once again) and Dashboard Confessional owns Are You Sad. Both are awesome, they remind me of HDM and Will and Lyra very much.  
  
~*~*~*  
  
Will tucked his mother in gently.  
  
"'Night, mum." He said softly. He kissed her forehead and she smiled bemusedly up at him before quickly falling asleep. Will wished he could fall asleep that easily. He walked to the door, turned to double check on his mother, and flicked off the light. Dark as it was, he headed back to his room with Kirjava at his heels. He had finished all chores and schoolwork earlier, and since he had no friends and was involved in no activities he had the time.  
  
Will entered his room slowly, flicking on the light and waiting for his eyes to adjust to the brightness. As soon as they had, he entered and sat at his desk. He had been assigned at school to pick a poem that meant something to him, and Edgar Allan Poe's Dream Within A Dream had been the only one close. He picked it up to read it aloud.  
  
"You are not wrong, to deem that my days have been a dream; yet if hope has flown away in a night, or in a day, in a vision, or in none, is it therefore the less gone? Is all that we see or seem But a dream within a dream?"  
  
He sighed again, setting down the poem and walking towards the chest. Not really knowing why, he opened it up and began searching. For what, he wasn't sure. But his fingers knew when they had found it; a small leather pouch containing the shards of-  
  
"The knife," Will breathed. He ran his fingers over the smooth, flat side of the knife, wondering why it's lustrous quality had lessened since he had last seen it. He remembered opening countless worlds with it, sealing them, exploring them- with Lyra. He closed his eyes in memory, swallowing the lump in his throat. Lyra. Lyra. Did she really exist now? Of course she did, but then again she didn't. What was she doing now? Did she have a boyfriend? Did she still think of him everyday minute of everyday, as he did her? He sat heavily on the bed, holding the shards in their leather wrap. He had gone back to the Botanic Garden every Midsummer's Day, as they had vowed, and he swore she was there those times. He even went back when it wasn't Midsummer's Day, just to sit and think that maybe, somehow, Lyra was there too. But she rarely was. He could feel it. But he knew that to spend all his time on the bench was worthless- he had a life now, pathetic as it was. He had a mother to take care of. And he would never see Lyra again; the question wasn't hard to answer.  
  
  
  
*I'd like to close my eyes; go numb  
  
But there's a cold wind coming from  
  
The top of the highest high rise today  
  
It's not a breeze 'cause it blows hard  
  
Watch the warmth blow away  
  
Don't let the world bring you down  
  
Not everyone here is that messed up and cold  
  
Remember why you came and while you're alive  
  
Experience the warmth before you grow old*  
  
To his dismay, a tear rolled down his cheek. Angrily, he wiped it away. Lyra wouldn't have cared. But being 15, he knew crying wasn't an option. Still with his fighting, though, more tears flowed and it wasn't long until he tasted their salty feel. Wiping them once more with the back of his hand, he re-wrapped the knife shards and hid them in his bedside table drawer. Then he lay back and let the tears silently come, until his face and shirt were soaked. The price he had had to pay for saving the worlds. well, any price was worth it. But the one chosen had torn him in two. Lyra, his Lyra. The only other part of him existing. And he would never, ever be with her again. Surprising him, Kirjava leapt into his arms.  
  
"Hello," he said softly, stroking the purring daemon's fur as the tears ran on. Kirjava rubbed his head on Will's neck.  
  
"She's gone," she informed him kindly. Will lowered his wet eyes to her fur.  
  
"Are you sure? Because logic tells me the same and still I can feel her sometimes, like Midsummer's Day." His voice was hoarse somehow, as if he's been crying. Kirjava laid down against his chest.  
  
"No," she replied after a minute. "No, I'm not sure."  
  
~*~*~*  
  
*are you sad  
  
are you holding yourself  
  
are you locked in your room  
  
you shouldn't be  
  
are you sad?* 


	3. Just an Ordinary Dream

The Warmth: Just an Ordinary Dream  
  
Author's Note: Ok, next chapter's up. Merci boucou to those who reviewed, and I swear this one's not as sad. I was just getting out MY sadness from the endings, and this one will be better. For clearer understanding, I do and will flip back and forth between pov's, but it will be obvious. Like since last time it was Will, now it's Lyra. ( yay!  
  
~*~*~*  
  
And as Lyra slept, she dreamt of Will. She relived every moment they'd had together and a grin formed itself on her face as she snored softly.  
  
  
  
  
  
*Just a day, just an ordinary day  
  
  
  
Just trying to get by  
  
  
  
Just a boy, just an ordinary boy  
  
But he was looking towards the sky*  
  
  
  
(*Flashback*) "But Will was shaking her arm. Then he put his hands to her face and held it roughly.  
  
'You know that's not true,' he said. 'Just as well as you can feel this. Take no notice!'"  
  
*And as he spoke, he spoke ordinary words  
  
Although they did not feel  
  
For I felt that I had not felt before  
  
You'd swear those words could heal*  
  
(*Flashback*) "They lay side by side, hand in hand, looking at the sky. 'Do you remember,' she whispered, 'when you first came in that café in Ci'gazze and you'd never seen a daemon?'  
  
'I couldn't understand what he was. But when I saw you, I liked you straightaway because you were brave.'  
  
'No, I liked you first.'  
  
'You didn't! You fought me!'  
  
'Well,' she said, 'yes. But you attacked me.'  
  
'I did not! You came charging out and attacked me.'  
  
'Yes, but I soon stopped.'  
  
'Yes, but.' He mocked softly."  
  
And then the dreams changed, from past to imaginary. She and Will were talking, embracing, crying.  
  
"Oh, Will!" she had said, racing up to him in the clouds and throwing her arms around his neck. He caught her and held her fiercely.  
  
"Lyra," he had murmured softly, usually intense eyes soft. For minutes they held each other until Lyra pulled away, laughing and wiping tears away from her face. "I think about you all the time," she confessed in a whisper, closing her eyes in pleasure and touching her forehead to his. He chuckled quietly.  
  
"I don't think there's a moment you're not in my thoughts. I miss you so much," he whispered. Lyra inhaled deeply, breathing him in.  
  
"Damn the specters," she said fervently. Will laughed.  
  
"It's always been 'damn the specters'," he teased her. She took his hand and held it tightly over her heart. Pan, she just noticed, was there, and Kirjava, too, and they were sleeping contentedly, wound around each other.  
  
"Damn them to no end, now." She said, closing her eyes to stop the tears. Will's eyebrows knit together in concern, and wiped the tear away.  
  
"Hey now," He said softly. He brought her chin up with his hand so she was eye to eye with him. She slowly opened her eyes. Looking him in the eyes again was so strange but so familiar. They knew what they wanted to do now. Will brought her hands to his lips and kissed them tenderly, then looked up. Lyra was blushing, and this was Will's cue. He leaned in slowly, and then their lips were touching softly. The kiss was soft and tender and quiet, and afterwards Lyra hugged him again.  
  
"It's you, it's really you," she whispered, screwing up her face as a fresh wave of sadness and joy hit her. She buried her face in his shoulder and sobbed. Will held her, hand still over heart, rubbing her back and kissing her head. After several minutes, Will's brow was furrowed in thought.  
  
"Lyra," he said, once the sobs had subsided. "Is this a dream?" she pulled back thoughtfully, wiping her face.  
  
"If it is," she said, "I don't want to wake up." She turned and leaned her back against him, and he wrapped one arm around her shoulder and another around her waist.  
  
"Did you go to sleep thinking of me?" he asked. Lyra nodded.  
  
"I always do. But this time, it was. it was stronger." Will nodded thoughtfully.  
  
"So did I. Maybe that's it. Maybe we can meet every night." The moment he thought it, said it, he regretted it, because it gave them both unsure hope.  
  
"Oh, Will, do you really think so?" Lyra asked hopefully.  
  
"Maybe. Maybe not. It's a theory. Maybe it's just completely random and we won't know when we'll see each other in our dreams. Maybe it'll never happen again. Maybe it'll happen when both of us want it as bad as we did tonight." He hugged her tightly, and then the dream was broken.  
  
Lyra woke up, tears stiff and dried on her face and Pan snoring happily nearby. She wrapped her arms around her legs and thought.  
  
  
  
*Just a dream, just an ordinary dream  
  
As I wake in bed  
  
And the boy, that boy, that ordinary boy  
  
Or was it all in my head?  
  
Did he ask if I would come along  
  
It all seemed so real  
  
  
  
He said take my hand  
  
Live while you can  
  
Don't you see your dreams are  
  
right in the palm of your hand*  
  
~*~*~*  
  
Author's Note: Ok, how was that? Same as before, next chapter up after 10 or more reviews. The (*flashbacks*) are from the Amber Spyglass by Philip Pullman and Del Rey, so I don't own them. The song Ordinary Day is by Vanessa Carlton, and it's cool. So keep reviewin' and I'll post more. 


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